A Letter to the Unqualified
This is for the ones who are moving on, for those stepping into a new season, for the hesitant and the cautious, for the uncertain and anxious, for someone like me, this is for you.
One year ago today, I planted my stake here in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. It’s amazing how so much can happen in one year, and yet simultaneously feels like hardly any time has passed. I’m sitting on my patio as I write this, recounting all of the days since I took my first big step into this new season I now reside in. A heavy storm just passed through, it feels amazing for an August evening, and I can’t stop staring at this beautiful rainbow. Wait, scratch that, it’s a double rainbow. What a day.
And what a year. I can say without a doubt that I’ve never felt more in sync with life than I have been these recent months. It certainly didn’t start out that way, I was so afraid to leave home. Everything that I knew and loved so dearly was in Michigan, it was a big step for me to move out of my parents’ to go to Bible college. There was so much I didn’t know, so much I didn’t understand, so much I didn’t feel ready for, and yet I went. Every tear, every emotional breakdown, every lonely day was all worth it being here in this moment, and it’s only the beginning.
A little advice for those of you who feel unqualified: If it’s God’s will and His plan, the enemy doesn’t want you anywhere near it. He will plant lies and deceit in your mind, making you fear and doubt the unknown that’s placed in front of you. Because he knows exactly what you're capable of, and that scares him.
Don’t listen to him. The thing you fear could be what changes your life for the better. I can attest to this. I mean, Oklahoma is hot, there’s not much to do here, my first apartment sucked and I knew no one. It wasn’t such a glamorous start to independent life. But thank God it didn’t stop there.
The thing is, I wasn’t blindly going into this with no thought or desire in my heart for the outcome. I wanted to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I wanted to create lasting friendships. I wanted to be bold, step out and be a leader. I wanted this next step to be a foundation for my future and for the potential I know I have. I prayed about these things for months, and I still see the progress of the answers trickling into my life. God hasn’t failed me. He knew what I wanted, and He knows of things I want that I’ve never even considered. It’s amazing what can come of simply obeying what He says.
For example, It was about a month into the school year and I thought it was time to volunteer in the church. I prayed about where I should go, and my attention was drawn towards the middle school ministry (Junior Varsity).
“I want you here,” He tells me.
“How dare you,” I respond.
I was very intimidated by middle schoolers, because I didn’t know how to interact with them. That age gap is a different breed. I should know, I was one of them. But there was also a subconscious desire to be a part of it. So I joined. If I’m going to be honest (which I am because it’s my blog and I do what I want), this was the hardest thing to adjust to.
I didn’t start until January, the middle of the school year, so I felt like the awkward transfer student amongst my fellow leaders. At school, I made connections and started to feel like I belonged, but now I get thrust into this new environment where I felt so alone all over again. I dreaded volunteering because I felt I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t connecting with the students and leaders, or that I heard God wrong. It was to the point where I told God,
“Listen, if something doesn’t change by Summer Camp, I’m gone.”
So the countdown began. That was April when I told Him that, which was only 3 months away from camp. In that time frame, I auditioned for a musical production for the church and got casted. The rehearsals were over JV services, and at the beginning I thought that was a perk. But after week 2, the weirdest thing started happening. I missed JV. I missed JV like crazy.
When it was all said and done, I went to Summer Camp. Again, doubts and fears started creeping in, and I almost left camp early because of how unqualified I felt. Good thing I didn’t listen to those thoughts. I ended up meeting people that I’ve grown close to, some people I didn’t know existed before. I made deeper connections with the students, I stayed sensitive to the Holy Spirit, I felt a part.
After camp, there was another big event called Summer Blitz where students from all over the country (and even the world!) come to Rhema for a week long conference. As a leader, I was blessed with the opportunity to pray and impart things into the lives of these kids. During that week, I had never prayed for so many people. It was the first time I prayed with someone to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and it was the first time I prayed for healing and the results happened immediately! It was everything I wanted and God went above and beyond, even through my doubts.
I’ve had a lot of doubts since coming here, a lot more than I want to admit. But through the doubts, He still moves. Just trust in Him and His love for you. He’s in the details, and He wants to be a part of every little thing.
Which reminds me, can we talk about a certain "little thing" called “dating?”
It’s a little thing I let God in on all the time. I pray about my future husband, I assumed I would probably find him here at Bible college, but I knew I wasn’t going to date my first year. I had my priorities straight. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t think about it. There were times I felt unqualified or uninteresting in this area, and it didn’t help when no one asked me to the Christmas Banquet, but that’s a whole other story!
From what I’ve learned through my JV experience, I’m trying to apply here. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I desire to be. I’ve been waiting for that someone that God has set aside for me. Not just a “boyfriend”, but a partner, encourager, fellow goof, my best friend. I know he’s out there, because it’s a desire of my heart, and God has NEVER failed me yet.
So I choose to not worry. I choose to not doubt. Why focus on the things I lack when God has supplied so much already! I can’t thank Him enough for the love I receive from my friends and family, the happiness I carry when I create, and the encouragement I get when I flow with His spirit. You can turn your life around when you just set your mind on the things that God has accomplished in your life. And boy, has He done incredible things.
If your single, here’s what I’ve been taught throughout my life and now firmly believe in. Think of your relationships like a triangle. You are on the bottom left corner, the person of interest in on the bottom right corner, and God is on the top. If you both pursue God whole-heartedly, constantly moving closer to Him and seeking after His heart, you will find that by getting closer to God, you become closer to each other. The person that runs right beside you, keeping pace and keeping passion, is someone you should keep in your life.
Don’t be afraid to be single. This is coming from someone where her roommate has boyfriend and most of her friends are married or in a relationship. This is prime time to get to know your Heavenly Father on such a personal and intimate level. Learn to be satisfied with His love and His company. His presence is so sweet and calming. Let me tell you, my God sets the standard for future relationships.
I’m preaching to myself as much as I am to you. It’s not always easy, but when you really lean into His goodness, the pure love of Jesus Christ, there is nothing more satisfying than that. It starts by seeking after His heart. There you will see how deep His love is for you. That’s what I’ve learned this past year.
So I encourage you, if you are going to Rhema or just stepping into a new season, remember these things:
• The enemy will do whatever it takes to stop you from following God’s call. Don’t listen.
• When you seek His heart, He will give you your heart’s desires.
• Obey Him, and in due time, you will receive blessings beyond your imagining.
• Set your mind on what good He’s done than on what has yet to happen.
• God loves you immensely.
You may be scared, you may be uncertain, but beyond this unknown is the opportunity to grow immeasurably. You are capable of so many things. Whatever it is you are hungry for, your Heavenly Father wants to supply you. It may not be in ways you expect, but it’s exactly what you need. Have faith, step out, you are qualified.
Sincerely,
someone like you.