The One Thing I Learned At Rhema
The last week of school was a very hectic one. If I would have known our lease would end by school finals, I probably would have figured something else out. But nope. We found a new apartment, packed, moved, studied, and somehow worked, slept and ate in the midst of all of that. So we are all moved into our new place for the next year, and have the whole summer ahead of us to apply everything we learned over the past nine months.
Let’s recap.
In the Beginning.
The face of a lone, emotionally distraught, 21-year-old walking the foreign streets of Tulsa, Oklahoma is the visual I would like you to project in your mind. That was me at the end of August, 2017. Here’s how the beginning of this journey looked at the starting gate:
• I was away from the security of my friends and family
• I had no job
• I didn’t know my roommate that well
• I was afraid I would be alone
• I thought I wasn’t good enough to live independently.
And those are just the highlights. The first week was spent getting settled in my janky apartment off the 71st St. shopping strip, learning to get used to the smell of other people’s cooking and the roaring sounds of the Broken Arrow Expressway. First my dad left (Which had it’s own set of crazy emotions) and by the time I dropped off my mom at the airport, I was alone. At that moment, I had nobody else.
From then on, it was just me and God.
When I knew I was supposed to go to Rhema back in February of 2017, I was so incredibly excited. There was a peace in my heart, and every attempt and effort as I was heading in that direction came with comfort and confirmation. I knew that I knew I that was where I was supposed to be. But when things don't go according to plan, your mind starts to doubt. For instance:
• It took a while for my acceptance letter to arrive.
• There were problems at the leasing office for a few weeks.
• I was never confirmed to transfer to another Hobby Lobby location.
• My father visibly disapproved of my new living environment (and I don’t blame him).
• I lost my wallet on the trip down.
Even in the midst of all the stress and emotions, I still had the comfort in knowing this bit of information: The enemy knows when you’re on the path God has laid out for you, and he will do anything to make sure you don’t walk straight. I wasn’t going to let doubt and fear run my thoughts and actions. So I kept going in faith, because I didn’t know how some things were going to be solved.
I prayed a lot. Feeling alone really helps you realize how important your relationship with God is. In my heart, I wanted to to do what He wanted, what His plans were for me. I wanted to be smack-dab in the middle of His will for my life, because I knew I would be prosperous in it. I prayed for:
• The right friends
• Revelation knowledge
• Confidence in my independence
• Opportunities to apply my faith
That was the cry of my heart, and I wanted it so bad. Good news for me, His Word says that He will give us the desires of our hearts when we pursue Him before all things. Rhema taught me a lot of things while I was attending their school, but this is a story about the one thing I learned that I will keep with me forever.
The right friends.
Let’s talk about relationships. For me being raised as a Pastor’s kid for a few years, I hung out with the kids that were related to the job. So friends were handed to me essentially, and I grew up with everyone else. It was easy and natural. But here, I knew no one except the small few that came to Rhema with me. It took a lot of guts for this introvert to step out and make a few friends.
The thing is, sometimes God gives you opportunities to grow instead of just automatically "leveling you up” in a sense. God didn’t drop a handful of good people on my lap and say “You should hang out with these people.” It took faith for me to step out and interact with strangers and find out if we clicked or not.
About a month or two after the move, I still felt alone and hopeless. I’m crying out to God wondering why it wasn’t getting better. I was going to church alone, going to other school events alone, I was trying. I wanted to stay faithful to my school while others were going different ways at first.
Thankfully, God blesses the faithful. I stood on His Word with these passages:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” ~Proverbs 27:17
"The righteous chooses their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” ~Proverbs 12:26
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” ~Proverbs 13:5
"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” ~John 15:13
The Bible says a lot about friends and choosing them wisely, so I knew that God would supply those wise, kind and godly relationships.
It was a constant experiment throughout the whole year! It wasn’t until after Christmas break that Izabelle and I truly found our crowd. We would hang out after school, have game nights, poke fun at each other in love, have inside jokes, all the things you would wish for in a solid group of friends.
God doesn’t work in our timing, there is so much He does in preparation behind the scenes on out behalf. If we only knew, I think we wouldn’t be so upset by the momentary inconveniences. But it also took action on my part, working with God in establishing those relationships. But He answered my prayers, exceeding all expectations.
Revelation Knowledge.
This started at the beginning of the year when I wrote 5 Focuses. One of my focuses was to be more generous this year, and so I came up with a fundraiser that I hosted over the month of March. It was a lot of fun to plan, shoot, edit, and sell products for this month-long event! It started off with good intentions, but by the end of the first week, I began to get so discouraged.
Things weren’t going as smoothly as I planned, and wasn’t making a lot of sales, and I was beginning to wonder if this was worth all the effort I poured into it a month prior. I was beginning to do the one thing I told myself I wouldn’t do- and that was equate my value to my accomplishments.
I was reading my Bible one morning after talking to God about this. I was aware it was happening early on, and I wanted to rectify it as soon as possible before it got worse. So I began reading Philippeans 3.
"But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ. More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them as dung, so that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ—the righteousness from God based on faith. My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings,being conformed to his death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead.” Philippians 3:7-11
Here’s how this passage jumped out at me. The previous verses 3-6, Paul talks of his confidence in the flesh- the titles he carried as Jew among Jews, one with good merit and prestige. As a man, he had titles and accomplishments to hold on to. But now, as a follower of Christ, all of those things mean nothing inside the Kingdom of God. Like he said, “It’s worth crap.”
It encouraged me in such a way because it didn’t matter of successful I was as a business woman, or a creative entrepreneur, or whatever other title I can thrust upon myself. My works didn’t reflect how much I’m worth to God and His purposes. As long as I’m faithful to Him and the calling He has on my life, what little comes out of what I do could potentially be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
It’s moments like these where I’m alone with God, reading His Word and He so clearly speaks to me in such a supportive, Fatherly way that makes me feel so blessed to be where I am today.
Confidence in my Independence.
I’ve never been more confident in myself than I am right now. Comparing to all these years prior to me finally living on my own, I was so hesitant and intimidated by the world around me. After a year of living on my own, I couldn’t be happier.
It’s not just confidence in my own ability, but confident that God will supply everything I ever needed. When money was getting tight, God gave me divine opportunities for freelance work. When I felt sad, He supplied good people to lift me up and remind me that I’m not alone.
There aren’t any specific moments to reflect on about this change in confidence, it was a gradual change in my lifestyle and self care. I started to create standards for myself, become more responsible, take myself more seriously and feed my passions. I have an excitement towards my mysterious future that only my Heavenly Father knows, and my confidence lies in His ability as I have my own independent relationship with Him.
Opportunities to apply my faith.
Everything I’ve said and more leads to this ultimate prayer for this season of life as well as many years to come. I’ve been grateful for the highs and lows, the laughs and the tears, the successes and the failures. Each day is a day full of opportunities to sacrifice your flesh and live for Christ- to be kind, attentive, generous, present, faithful. I haven’t been perfect in the least.
There have been times where I did something I knew was wrong. But thank God for His mercy and grace when we turn back to Him, welcoming us with open arms. It takes faith to admit your faults, drop your guilt and walk in redemption. It takes faith to go against the grain of the world. It takes faith to stand firm in the storm. It takes faith to believe in a future that seems so out of reach.
But God.
Each year that passes, I see tremendous growth in me. It came from moments where I let my need for control go and just let God do what He knows best. His faithfulness has never failed me yet. It may take longer than I would prefer, but He always has come though.
If there was one thing I learned at Rhema it’s God is, and will always will be faithful to me.
I plan to never stay stagnant in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, to never take for granted the power in Jesus’ name, and to always acknowledge the Holy Spirit as my confidant.