Why Fun?
I was over at a friend's house watching a couple episodes of The Office. We were just hanging out, nothing really out of the ordinary. But in the other room where his roommate was residing, we hear loud music pouring into the hall. So we paused the episode and decided to investigate. Come to find out, he was blasting the Frozen soundtrack. Without hesitation, both of them start singing and dancing around the whole house. They did not stop until they went through the entirety of the soundtrack. It was a hilarious experience, not only to observe but participate in.
But it didn’t stop there, oh no. They then transitioned into playing epic trailer music, grabbing brooms and fighting each other like knights in search of an evil witch. The role was vacant, so I volunteered. I grabbed a fairly large blanket and wrapped it around myself, using a half-empty water bottle as my weapon of choice. We were jumping off couches and sliding on floors and speaking in ridiculous accents. It was unplanned, it was ridiculous, it was so much fun.
That moment stands out in my memory. It could have gone a lot of different ways. My friend could have just shut the door and we would have continued with what we were doing. Or they could have played just one song, and went back to what was on his agenda. I could have sat out on the whole thing, hard-core judging both of them. But none of those things happened. All three of us decided to embrace what was in front of us and take advantage of the moment, we built on it, and we went all out. We were unafraid of what we would think of each other, or how ridiculous we all looked, we just simply had fun.
It’s a bummer that these moments can be so rare, or even non-existant in people’s lives. Not specifically the impromptu Broadway Frozen musical in the middle of the living room, but experiencing a little spontaneity and being present to enjoy it.
What is Fun?
I am a lover of fun. People’s perception of fun can widely vary, but my definition of fun is this:
"To be connected to yourself and/or others in a present situation that allows you to let go of control.”
You’re probably thinking this is a ridiculous definition for the word “fun.” And you’re probably right. But hear me out. This definition takes a lot of inspiration from The Connected Life Podcast by Justin and Abi Stumvoll and their episode on bringing fun back into connected life. I highly recommend their content. In this episode they acknowledge the need for this special kind of connection in our relationships and addresses the benefits of living in a present state. But sadly so many people don’t allow themselves to experience it.
But why is that? I have a few ideas.
That Other “F” Word
Shockingly, I wasn’t as fun-loving as I was a few years back. I was an anxious, insecure, people-pleasing teenager who just wanted to feel accepted by her peers. So I hardly ever did anything too embarrassing or silly for fear of being mocked, which was my worst nightmare back then. So I let my crazy friends take care of the ridiculous and spontaneous entertainment. But the thing is that there was always a part of me that wanted to participate in it, but I just wouldn’t allow myself to. Justin had a statement about a reason:
“Lack of fun and playfulness could be the result of self-criticism."
And boy, does that speak to my past experiences. And even adding to that, it’s also the result of wanting control. Fun can be wild and unpredictable, which is what makes “fun” fun. (Does “fun” even sound like a word to you, anymore?) So why do we want control? Because we are uncomfortable with a future we can’t keep in order. Because order has stability, and stability is consistent, and consistency feels safe.
But the worst culprit of all, the true combatant of joy… is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of reputation, fear of the future. Fear is soul-sucking. In order to have more fun in our lives, we have to learn to let these anxieties go.
Children are a great example of not giving a rip. Young kids are still discovering the world through sights, sounds and actions. They have NO exceptions for anything because they don’t know how the world works. They just do whatever gives them joy. They try new things without fear of it being “weird” or “stupid”. They are simply experiencing life as it comes to them, not focusing on the future but being wholly present. I sometimes envy those kids, holding on to that innocence and allowing themselves to be genuine in their experiences and present in their connection to themselves.
This concept is so important to me that it’s a part of my mission statement:
“Reawakening our inner child into an authentic reality…”
As adults, we can get so wrapped up in our image and our ambitions that we forget to celebrate the “now”. As time goes on, the older we get, we see more consequences. We miss out on so many opportunities to have fun, to create memories, to be present. We fear the ridicule of others, remain in our safety of the mundane, or are laser-focused on the goals ahead. What is the purpose of those goals? To be successful? What is success to you? Happiness? Who says you can’t be happy right here, right now, in this very moment?
An Even Better “F” Word
Learning to have fun could also help you with another area- the area of faith.
It could also work vice-versa. Both are the opposite of fear. Fun is the act against fear, where as faith is the absence of it. Either way, both fun and faith are the opposite of fear, and can easily defeat it.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
~ 2 Timothy 1:7
But now this is what the LORD says- He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
~ Isaiah 43:1
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
~ Psalm 118:6
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
~ Romans 8:31
When God commands you to do something, don’t you think you’d better do it? I’m speaking to myself here as much as it is to some of you. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid of tomorrow, or the uncertainties of life. Because when you know that the God of the universe is in your corner, protecting you from those things you can’t handle on your own, it gives you a reason to take a deep breath and begin to see what is right in front of you. You will finally learn to be present.
Give Yourself Permission
So how can we fix this epidemic? We need to bring our inner child out again and let them play. Let go of unwavering control and expectations. It may start with you, learning to connect with yourself before sharing it with others. Give yourself permission to sing at the top of your lungs in the car. Use that hair brush as a microphone. Dance in the kitchen to 90’s R&B while frying your eggs. Buy those cheap, silly glasses at the flea market because they made you giggle when you saw them. After this process, I think you’ll come to find you’ll love hanging out with yourself more, and “fun” will become more of a norm.
“The most rich form of fun is when you’re connected with yourself.” - Abi Stumvoll
Here are a list of things you can do to have some fun:
Dance (in the kitchen, in the rain, in the grocery store, etc. There are no limits.)
Sing at the top of your lungs. Doesn’t matter if you’re good or bad. Jam out to those tunes.
Pull over and catch those fireflies.
Don't be afraid to make a mess.
Wear that outrageous jacket while you’re running errands.
Ride in the shopping cart when grocery shopping (this needs a partner).
Take a detour and shop the neighborhood yard sales.
Lip sync battles.
Jump in puddles.
It’s by no means complete. Feel free to add in some personal touches.
It’s time we give ourselves permission to be utterly ridiculous. Life is too precious to miss out on present opportunities for connection and memories. Bring your inner child out to play again. Be silly. Be genuine. Be vulnerable. Not just with others, but with yourself. Now go out there and have some fun.